“At the end of the day, I’m at peace, because my intentions are good and my heart is pure.”
– Nirnayee Esabela
In this life you will come across a multitude of humans. All will be phenomenal in their own right. Some will be the light that shine through the darkness and quite frankly some will be the cause of your darkness. And those people are not always the ones we get to choose because they are family.
Here is the bottom line. Your personal mental health is very important. And you must pay attention to those lessons that are being taught to you by all of those people. And those lessons are how you allow yourself to be treated. Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Son, Daughter, Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin…etc. You must be treated with at the minimum decency. There should be respect as well, but respect is touchy as it is a very personal emotion and in my humble opinion has to be earned. But decency is not an option short any type of physical abuse.
In those moments where you must evaluate those individuals in your life that you are unsure of. You must ask yourself these questions.
- Does speaking to them bring me joy or heartache?
- Do I always have to edit what I am saying so I don’t upset them?
- Do I have to make myself less than who I am or who I am trying to be, just to not create an argument?
- Do they provide any value to the relationship?
- Are they continually making you feel guilty for trying to establish boundaries?
- Are they continually playing the victim?
These are just a few questions that will help you to understand if this relationship is one that will help or hinder your everyday mindset. And as difficult as it may be to understand, just because an individual is family, that does not make them good for you. You sometimes have to realize that you have done everything you can for the relationship and it is time to allow the relationship to change into nothing more than an acquaintance, if even that. Your decisions in your life have to be right for you and only you. The people I spoke about above, the ones who lead you to the light, they would never put you in a situation to lose them. The others, well they make it very easy when you separate the emotion from it.
My advice to anyone who is having difficulty making the decision is this; First, listen to those around you, are they telling you the relationship is toxic? They are probably right. They are on the outside looking in and not emotionally invested, as you are. The second piece of advice that I have is a little more difficult, but just as powerful. Look at your situation and imagine that it is a friend of yours going through it. What advice would you give them? If your advice would be for your friend to remove the family member, then that is your answer.
Those who deserve your light and love will remain in your life. And those who don’t will exit through the door making room for more amazing and wonderful people. Those new people will match your higher vibration and appreciate the wonderous human that you truly are. Look for those people. They are your tribe.